| For you, a thousand times over |
[Thursday
July 5th, 2007] |
Several events of note since my last post:
1. Received my exam grades.
They were alright, nothing smashing. (Bahasa: 80, Economy: 90, English: 98) :D:D:D
2. Received news that I'm accepted at Missouri School of Journalism.
Official papers are still in the works though, so I'm still slightly freaking out. Things like these don't feel real before I'm holding the official papers in my impish little claws. Jgn-jgn sebenernya gua blm keterima lagi. Ooohlalaa.
3. Prom night on the 20th of June.
In which the slideshow I put together got compliments and made several people cry, woohoo!
All in all, that night was amazing. It's a favorable contender for the Best Night of Harum's Life award. Why can't every night be prom night? Splash 'em make-ups on me, I don't care! Let's partaaay. I did lost my digicam that night. Tapi udah ikhlas. Emang gua butuh hukuman karena selalu pelupa.
4. The prom's morning-after.
Shall go down in history for reasons I may or may not reveal in the future. Mwaha. :P
5. Graduation ceremony on the 26th of June.
Wore kebaya and found that I liked wearing them. And, uninteresting formal speeches aside, it was a lovely ceremony.
6. Learned how to make old, used paper into cool, new ones with The Cure for Tomorrow. :D
7. Read The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini.
It's really good. By good, of course I had meant "moving" and "heartwrenching". Haven't felt this passionate about a contemporary book since Life of Pi and The God of Small Things. Read it pplz.
The fact that I am now a high school graduate is slowly seeping in. It feels good. I miss my friends, though. Quite a lot. The togetherness. And the atmosphere of school, too, sometimes. It's funny. When I was there I felt trapped and I couldn't wait to be free but now that I am free, I miss the secluded feeling of being institutionalized.
I need to stock up my summer readin', if my lovely LJ friends could recommend me some lovely books for me to get and read whilst I pass my lovely summer time it would be really lovely. Thank youuu :D
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| the one written in indonesian |
[Sunday
June 10th, 2007] |
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tidak banyak yg bisa diketik, hari-hari tanpa sekolah emang udah seharusnya dihabiskan dengan tidur terlalu malam dan bangun terlalu siang, mencuri album gratisan dari blog-blog mp3, bingung kenapa temen-temen ga ada yg sms, tp begitu disms balesnya males, diajak jalan pengennya tidur, etc-etc, berbagai bentuk kemalasan lainnya.
tanggal 16 juni: pengumuman kelulusan. technically i'm still a high school student, tapi setiap ditanya "kamu udah lulus?" dengan entengnya gua selalu jawab "udah", padahal belom tentu. segitu pedenya kah gua? engga juga sih, semalem gelisah juga ngebayangin gimana rasanya kalo sekiranya gua ternyata gak lulus. amit amiiit jangan sampe.
tanggal 20 juni: prom. baju udah ada, pasangan udah punya. dimintain tolong untuk bikin slideshow yang akan diputer sepanjang prom night, isinya foto-foto anak-anak dari kelas 1 sampe kelas 3. "kok gua sih?" "iya rum... lo kan pake macbook..." (tidak dinyatakan secara eksplisit, tapi kira-kira seperti itulah) "!!?" gue udah mau ngeles, tapi trus gua mikir, "apa dong kontribusi gua buat angkatan? ini udah acara terakhir! lo masih males gitu? dasar manusia gak produktif!" akhirnya karena terbebani pikiran sendiri, gue setuju aja. padahal gak tau cara bikin slideshow. (pake iMovie kan ya? any tips? ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) chibi_alfa maybe? :D it'd be greatly appreciated, miss!) jadi ternyata pake laptop canggih menimba beban juga. seperti kata si siapa gitu: with great power comes great responsibility. ah, pret. terus kemaren baru dikasih fotonya dalam bentuk digital, ternyata ada sebanyak 2 giga. lemes juga, harus sort through foto segitu banyak. bukan lemes sih, males tepatnya, hehehe
tanggal 24 juni: wisuda. dengan catatan: kalo lulus. ah, pasti lulus! tapi... kalo enggak? ya ngulang lagi kelas tiga, setaun lagi di SMA. anjrit, males banget. ah tapi masa sih gak lulus, lo kan ga goblok, rum. eh tapi mungkin aja tau, siapa tau pensil 2B lo gak bisa kebaca sama komputer! mampuslah! eh tapi pensil gua kan canggih. tapi kan ada peribahasa secanggih-canggihnya sepotong pensil, akhirnya jatuh juga... apa sih? and the bla and the bli... congratulations; you have just read an excerpt of a conversation between the two little persons in my head: optimistic-harum and pessimistic-harum. nice.
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[Tuesday
May 22nd, 2007] |
Last Friday = Catur Tunggal Perkasa's last day of officially going to school.
I'm a little overwhelmed by melancholy and everything feels just so bittersweet.
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[Friday
April 27th, 2007] |
I don't know how many times I've opened this TextEdit application and wrote lines on how these are truly the last days of my high school life only to end up pushing backspace and deleting them forever.
But, you know, these are truly the last days.
It claws on my skin a little when I'm conscious about it and I get a little frantic - floods of sweet, funny memories clog my brain and I want nothing more than for them to stay there forever. I grasp helplessly at little facts and trinkets, wanting to never forget, but aren't memories like water? The tighter your grasp get, the more they will leak.
My god, I'm scared.
There's a little quotation from the film Diarios de motocicleta - spoken by Gael Garcia Bernal as he quietly observed the Machu Picchu, if I'm not mistaken - that, quite simply, is what I feel presently. What do we leave behind when we cross each frontier? Each moment seems split in two; melancholy for what was left behind and the excitement of entering a new land.
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| they only want you when you're seventeen |
[Tuesday
April 17th, 2007] |
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music |
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richard youngs. <3 |
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i turned seventeen yesterday!
possibly the best birthday ever, but i always think that on my birthdays. on the night of the 15th i stayed up and talked to my nocturnal online friends on msn. midnight came and docgonz and alexander were the first persons to wish me a happy birthday! =D then tantra called and slurred in his sleepy voice "i'm not forgetting, see" and bragged about how he's sure that he's the first to wish me a happy birthday (i didn't tell him about the msn friends) haha! sweet boy. then came the flood of text messages, among them ohplease_ney! :D :D :D and then mom called all the way from monte carlo and wished me happy birthday and said that she misses us and i realized how i'd missed her! i felt a lump forming in my throat which made me feel not seventeen years old. five or six, perhaps. after mom hung up i signed off msn and went to bed.
i believe the excitement caused my body to release too much endorphins and i woke myself up at like 06:30 in the morning! on a no-school day! it's amazing how i always wake up early when school is off. exams will start on the next day (which is...today) and i'd decided to not study at all on my birthday. consider it as a quiet day to meditate. (i'm thinking waterfalls and lots of green tea, but i'd settle for lots of napping) i woke to find more texts received on my phone! including bijzonder! :D lovely! i'm going to file those lovely birthday wishes into a folder and read them to cheer me up at low times.
with a little morning disorientation, i snapped open my laptop and was going to sign back on msn when i heard the knock on my door.
turned around.
saw my best friends carrying a cake, singing happy birthday, snapping their digicams at my shocked, sleepy, unbathed self.
i, of course, started crying.
=D
so wonderful! we took photos of us and the wonderful chocolate cake (didn't use my camera 'cause it's dead and the battery charger is currently seven thousand miles away in my mother's suitcase)! after i showered we went out for breakfast-lunch and, blatantly ignoring tomorrow's exam, went to the movies.
we went to see Nagabonar (jadi) 2. astaga, bagus banget men. dari sisi hebatnya mereka nyindir kita gitu, maksudnya. menyentil sekali, apa lagi pas nagabonar teriak-teriak ke patung Jenderal Sudirman; "turunkan tanganmu, jenderal... siapa yang kauhormati? tidak semua yang lewat ini pantas kau hormati, jenderal...!" pedih hatiku. terlalu banyak kebenaran dalam kata-kata itu. the film, per se, was just alright, a bit cliched, tapi banyak adegan yang bener-bener bikin ngakak ngikik dan bikin nangis2. i cried like five times all along the movie, it's crazy.
ANYWAY, afterwards i went back home, and found a little note apparently written by my best friend (she probably dropped it when they surprised me in the morning, i hadn't noticed). i began reading it and started crying all over again because it was just so beautiful and i don't know. it feels warm.
THEN me and my sister went to my grandparents' house where they were throwing a party of some sort. april 16th is also one of my uncles' birthday. i arrived and almost started crying again because my grandma and grandpa seemed to have worked really hard to make the party cheery and everything! i had to leave early because of the exams and such and tried really hard not to cry when i hugged my grandparents goodbye. failed. D:
my mother called again before i went to bed and i almost cried AGAIN, for like the thousandth time that day, but she made me laugh at all the right times so i didn't. i'd probably cried too much anyway hahah silly goose. +D
all in all, i initially wanted a big birthday bash with all my friends and family for this sweet seventeen but it couldn't possibly happen because of the exams. i couldn't feel happier that day though, even with my mother being on a different continent and everything. it's really incredible to feel so much love and care and hear so many happy birthday wishes. it aches! in a really good way. =) i wish birthdays come once a month!
p.s. i still don't feel seventeen.
p.p.s. first day of exams today! two days to go. ahhh.
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[Wednesday
April 11th, 2007] |
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music |
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hella - the ungrateful dead |
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i'm typing this as i'm lying on my stomach on my bed, it's making my ribs ache when i inhale, and my elbows feel sore, the back of my thighs are freezing and my shoulders ache in ways i didn't know it could. i'm happy, though. that's all.
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| whatnots |
[Monday
April 9th, 2007] |
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music |
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elliott smith |
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aww, the livejournal picture thing at the top is seriously adorable! :D bunny rabbits = the epitome of cuteness. i mean, those wiggling noses! so incredibly - there is no other word for this - cute! i'm all cutesy today. albeit a little sad, because my mother leaves for europe tomorrow night! she will be back on the 20th, and she is going to miss my birthday (on the 16th)! :/ this will be my first birthday ever without my mom! :o i've had all sixteen previous birthdays with her, one without shouldn't be much of a problem, should it? nope. :p i shall be needing my lj and real life friends to support me! haha!
my mother gave me my birthday present early, i guess to compensate for her not being home for the birthday... it's an apple macbook! :D it's the awesomest thing and i've wanted it for so long. i'm still getting used to the mac operation system but it's going fine, i suppose! :)
p.s.
(\ /)
(O.o) copy the bunny to your profile to help
(> <) him achieve world domination. come on spread the evil, um, i mean, cuteness!
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[Monday
April 2nd, 2007] |
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I remember when I was younger, I used to think "friend" was the hardest word to spell. It was so hard for me to remember which letter came first, the e or the i. I found this old notebook I used to write in and read that I had misspelled 'friend' quite a few times. "My bestest freind is Putri". There were some lines that I remember writing and remember that I had thought 'I know I'm spelling it out correctly this time' and made the same error anyway. hehe
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| giant panda |
[Saturday
March 31st, 2007] |
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there's something oddly cute about this panda's ear! :D
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| mortality |
[Thursday
March 29th, 2007] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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my great aunt passed away this morning.
i'd fallen asleep by the phone last night, after revising for history, and this morning i got woken up at 05:17 by the phonecall. she was my grandpa's oldest sister; the oldest of fourteen.
i don't know her very well. i know some stories of her told admiringly by my mother, but i don't have any memory of she and i having anything that's even remotely close to a mere conversation, or somesuch. or, rather, by the time i was old enough to remember conversations, she had fallen in and out of illness and i've always had to re-introduce myself all over again whenever we met. but, ah, those meetings were pretty much a compulsory thing for me. something i had to do. by default. oh, oldest relative, is ill, might die anytime soon, must pay homage, must show respect.
i took those meetings for granted.
her passing didn't shatter me, per se, it was more of a relief, because she had been ill for so long, but there is just something about death that makes your heart stutter and jump a few beats. memento mori. and now i wish i'd gotten to know her better.
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| The one with capitalization. :P |
[Wednesday
March 28th, 2007] |
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mood |
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 i don't know |
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There is something mildly satisfying about completing the third day of a five-day test week.
It's like, okay, more than half is done, bring the rest on!
ANYWAY! I have an announcement to make:
This following song is, quite possibly, the sweetest, happiest thing this side of Winnie-the-Pooh (a bear of very little brain).
The Incredible Moses Leroy - 'Fuzzy'
And you are soft and cuddly, and you are warm and fuzzy
Lonely blue eyed Nazi prom queen, bruised-knuckle boy tired of crawling
Let's paint the town red, like 'Carrie', because I am your–I am your toy, foxy lady
And you are bright and starry, I'm not that bad, just got lucky
And heaven–and heaven can wait; I'm standing
You on my shoulder, demanding
And you are soft and fuzzy, and you are truly lovely
You are my itchy sweater, you are my lovely love-getter, yeah
How saccharine is that, I ask you? :D If that isn't the sweetest thing you've read all day then tell me what was, and we'll see who is NUMBER ONE. OKAY?
But, ah, hmm, I could very well be biased, since, quite frankly, right now I'm supposed to be studying for both maths and history for tomorrow's tests, with the two tests testing on everything I'd supposedly learnt since tenth grade, I'll have you know that's three years of maths and three years of history, no less, which of course, indubitably, calculates into one severe, desperate need for subtle, delicate reminders that there still are, pleasepleasebuddhaplease, soft and fuzzy beautiful things worth fighting for in this universe, and beyond, and beyond.
Hooray for excessive use of commas and a neverending sentence!
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| ugh agh |
[Tuesday
March 27th, 2007] |
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it annoys me, quite, that presently my life (has to) revolve(s) around the exams coming up in april and in may. it doesn't have to, really, but i just, for the sake of all things nice and fuzzy, can't escape myself thoughts.
i can't do anything without worrying about it.
(i can, ipso facto, but then on a split second i would realize something is missing and i would think to myself "hey, aren't i supposed to be worried about something? ...oh, yeah! the exams! gosh darn.")
i can't read a book without trying to hurry it up because i keep thinking that i'm supposed to read textbooks instead, i can't laugh without feeling the burden that i should keep my mouth shut and listen to teachers instead.
it's like a memento mori. remember that you are mortal. remember that you have exams coming up.
i get constantly uneasy but i'm still lazy (and the rhymes weren't intended).
i can't wait until this is all over. (although) i can't bear the thought of leaving high school behind. and i can't imagine not constantly meeting these kids, these people that i've met for almost every day in the past three years of my life, anymore.
i typed so many can'ts in this entry and i can feel some more can'ts threatening to spill out from the back of my throat. /pessimistic
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[Sunday
March 25th, 2007] |
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and the rain stops.
how sly.
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[Sunday
March 25th, 2007] |
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the wind sounds and looks terrifying out there. hello there tree roots. be strong. i opted to open my windows but thought better of it. oh, the rain just started. mmm the smell of rain. how is it that i'm on the eighteenth floor and i can still smell that sweet scent of wet grass? maybe the wind brought the scent with it. oh, the wind just stopped. how sly. seeks attention and leaves once it gets it. hello rain. bye wind.
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| heathcliff and cathy |
[Saturday
March 24th, 2007] |
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music |
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sonic youth EVOL |
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wuthering heights is making my heart ache.
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[Friday
March 23rd, 2007] |
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mood |
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 wha? |
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just woke up from a thirteen hour sleep. had a dream that was so achingly real that i can still remember the sinking feeling in my tummy, every bit of it.
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| drama queen, i am |
[Wednesday
March 21st, 2007] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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águas de março |
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thank you acetaminophen. thank you pseudoephedrine hydrochloride. thank you chlorpheniramine maleate. thank you thank you.
yesterday i had to run 800m during a small, yet brisk and profound, drizzle courtesy of jakarta's bad weather™. (i did it in 5 minutes 11 seconds. now i can come up to people and tell them "hello, my name is harum and i run 12 km/h. pleasure meeting you" har har!) afterwards, i had to shoot-tha-hoop and score as many points as possible in a minute. and then i had to do all the simple gymnastics whathaveyou (forward roll, reverse roll [which almost broke my innocent neck, thank you very muchly]). honestly, i'm telling you, there is nothing natural about bending your body and rolling it around. gosh, it was such a tiring day for us. all 180++ of us twelfth graders. all those hassle merely for p.e. scores! to graduate from high school! RAHH.
anyway, apparently my system didn't really agree with running in the rain, as exotic as it may sound. i slept little last night, after a myriad of randomly lovely msn conversations, and had to be at school by 7 this morning. i woke up late, of course, and very nearly went back to sleep, but ahh i had to wake up because today was the day of the english oral test! i got up and realized that i didn't feel very well. my head ached a little and my nose refused to function properly.
"oh," quoth i, "this better not affect my verbal ability."
it didn't. the test itself went quite well. the guy who tested my group was a filipino-american with small eyes, crew cut hair and a crisp blue shirt. he drank water by the barrelful and was very talkative and friendly, although intimidating. of course, by intimidating, i meant that he looked like somebody who has the heart to give really, really bad grades.
after the test, though, it was a whole different story. once i got out of the class, my immunity gave in completely. i had to strain to simply crack open my eyelids and i sneezed and sneezed between syllables. my breath came in slow, abbreviated gasps and the air coming out of my nose felt hot. hands trembled and whole body ached. my head hurt in places i didn't know it could. miserable, i was. pissy, too.
"wow, harum," quoth a friend, "you don't look very well."
a rocket scientist, that one is. he offered to drive me home but i loved him too much to leave my germs in his car so i decided to just germ up my own. i went home, where i took acetaminophen mixed with 30ml pseudoephedrine hydrochloride and some chlorpheniramine maleate. also conveniently known as decolgen. fell asleep. woke up. and here i am! feeling much, much better. it's hard to believe that less than six hours ago i felt so overwhelmed by agony! :D
okay. the moral of this story is... well, don't get sick. everyone gets sick at this time of year and being sick is just so not nice. here's hoping that everyone is feeling good and complacent-yet-not-smug. :)
( merry! )
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| baby, this is pms |
[Sunday
March 18th, 2007] |
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i'm never ready. i'm always late, i'm always in a hurry, i'm always caught by surprise, i can never predict what's coming from and for me and my mood at this time of month is like crème brûlée. hard and stiff on the outside, soft and easy-to-squish on the inside. i feel like cursing like sailors and snapping at everything within arms reach and pulling out hairs and breaking bones and oh god i need sleep and time and godspeed you black emperor. i don't feel very well. motherfuckers
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[Tuesday
March 13th, 2007] |
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music |
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mt eerie - say goodbye and no |
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i'm deciding i like the new red hot chili peppers music video. desecration smile. it is shot in only one take with a single camera. the red hot chili peppers boys huddled together, their arms around each other, in front of the camera, singing. they were standing on rocks, probably at a sea shore, behind them was the sky at the time of dusk, or maybe it was dawn, i don't know. the background goes in and out of focus, it's gorgeous. somewhere near the end flea clenches his fist, curls his fingers into his palm, showing the letters tattooed on his fingers, spelling out l o v e. i thought, this is the whole point. i thought, love, so simple. i'm deciding i love that music video, and the song isn't really bad either. desecration is the smile on my face. count how many commas i have in this post.
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[Saturday
March 10th, 2007] |
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music |
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turin brakes - painkiller |
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IT'S MY MOMMY'S BIRTHDAY TODAY! :D tomorrow is my sister's. i'm going to party tomorrow, albeit with a bunch of fifth graders. right. ;p
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